Flower Bauer: A Liberal "24"

Brought to my attention by Dave Barry, the following is a very humorous look by Daniel Chun of The New Republic at 24‘s assertions of “going green” this season.  What I’m posting here is merely an excerpt; the full text can be found here, and it’s very funny, despite some adult language (so be warned if you check it out).

EPISODE 1: 12:00 AM – 1:00 AM

Int. CTU – day

JACK BAUER talks to JANIS GOLD.

JANIS GOLD
Our source tells us that the terrorists’ plan is blow up Broward Dam. This would create mass flooding, cut power to the entire state, and destroy the habitat of the tidewater goby.

JACK BAUER
Dammit! Without that goby, what will our local heron population eat?

JANIS GOLD
Try not to think about that.

JACK BAUER
I can’t help it! Every link in the food chain matters!

Jack punches his hand through a wall.

JACK BAUER (CONT’D)
Chloe, get me a schematic of the dam’s facilities.

CHLOE O’BRIAN
I’m on it. Let me power up my computer.

Chloe mounts an exercise bike connected to a power generator into which her computer is plugged. She pedals furiously. Her computer slowly boots up.

JANIS GOLD
We don’t have much time, Chloe! Pedal harder!

Chloe pedals harder.

JANIS GOLD (CONT’D)
(to Jack, proudly) Did you know that just ten minutes of pedaling powers her computer for an hour?

CHLOE O’BRIAN
Not to mention burns calories and improves my heart health.

Jack nods, impressed and a little inspired.